p.s. Do not make life difficult: not for self, not for others. Especially not for self.
I dreamed that I had three tiny kittens kept in a box. I found them dead because I forgot to feed them. Now their bodies lay stiff on their backs, fur littered with black pellets like waste. They each occupied a partitioned section so that the revelation (and the memory of their existence, that I had them at all) came in not one but three blows.
12:01 am: I smell weed. the neighbor downstairs seems to be having a party. I can't decide if I should go to bed or send some emails or take another look at the film from which I want to make clips tomorrow. after next week (super stressful) I'll be able to breathe a little more easily. I was thinking today how without realizing it I had somehow been living in a survival mode. not good. another random thought: I abhor meanspiritedness and things done in that spirit.
Maybe this is not my dream, because it feels so much like television to me. It feels like nothing. Only stress. Adrenaline rush from false lead to false lead, with the blind man in tow. You are not really blind, at one point I said, without turning to look. I know you can see, because you complain about what you see, the overhanging green, you said, for just one example. To which he responded by clearing his throat.
I'm terribly allergic to something. I don't know what it is. But my eyes are burning and my throat feels funny. I hope it's not my sweater. I hope it's not Prelude to Swine Flu. Heard on the radio that a case of feline swine flu has been discovered. Picture a coughing pig next to a coughing cat next to a coughing human.
This is not a productive day, partly thanks to my (partial) insomnia. I'm also in a combative mood. Yes, it's Saturday, but here in workaholic land we have high hopes for Saturday, especially because it is insulated on both ends from The Week. And now it's semi-lost and I'm red-eyed.
Why do they sell something like "cubed tofu"? How much of a hardship does cubing tofu entail to make this product desirable and necessary? You can tell a lot about the ethos from the tofu shelf: there are "firm" and "extra firm" (each time it takes me five minutes to spot a soft among the firms) and now here comes "cubed."
Also heard on the radio: the death of Lévi-Strauss. One of the last giants.
So this day was spent mostly in leisure. Went out and bought some clothes, LOTs of chocolate of all kinds, some vegetables (which I am not going to put in the fridge--yeah, there is a war going on between me the fridge over vegetables) and apples (the current policy favors Granny Smith). Tried a little Taiwanese restaurant. Not good. My food karma is a bit shaky these days. The other night we went to a perfectly good restaurant and I had the most tasteless mussels ever. This time after one taste of the soup I knew the verdict. Then I took some pictures of Q, who laughed and cried "Nazi babies!," insisting that instead of "the Gerber baby also has chin folds," I said "the Goebbels baby also has chin folds." Not fair! The pictures all came out blurry. Then I did a careful study of the colors associated with the Pope, cardinals, and bishops, respectively. I don't know why. But the side effect is the discovery that Bacon's Pope Innocent X is robed in purple, whereas in Velazquez's original he is dressed in red and white (the more properly papal colors). I wonder why. But that's the subject of another day's study. Now I should curb my curiosity and do some "real" work.
One regret: there was a woman outside the market playing violin. She was really good. My ears are pretty dead to music so when it is something even I find beautiful... Q is very musical and thought she was a genius, disturbed but special. I thought I'd give her some money on my way out, but when we came out she's gone.
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